The Move: A Prequel

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Moving with bed bugs. Or should I say, without bed bugs. Is this even possible?

I don't know. But you can bet your ass I'm trying my hardest to accomplish it!

I spent Monday and Tuesday hauling the majority of my laundry over to the laundry place a few blocks away. I put everything (including my dry-cleaning) in the dryers for 36 minutes. This only cost my $1.50 a cycle, thank god, as I am currently broke due to the fact that I had to pay August rent at my current apartment, prorated August rent at my new apartment, $150 credit check fee, deposit on my new apartment, AND September rent. Exhale. That's a lot of money for someone who makes just enough to not be considered poverty.

So I have embarked on my master "moving without bed bugs" plan. It goes as follows:

Step 1: All this week, get as much out as possible. Take all high-risk items (curtains, all clothing, towels, etc.) to the laundromat at put in dryer on high for 36 minutes, ensuring the buggies are gone. Double bag in plastic garbage bags and duct tape closed. No bugs in! Throw out rug, and all unnecessary pillows. It's just stuff. Even though it's my grandfather's stuff. *Pang of guilt* It's just stuff. Repeat. It's just stuff.

Step 2: Steal boxes from work and bring them home. Store AWAY from bedroom and use duct tape to tape all corners and both open sides completely shut. Spray EVERYTHING with bed bug spray (environmental safe, I might ad) before inserting items into boxes. Keep AWAY from the bedroom.

Step 2.5: M was nice enough to drive me home from work yesterday and help me bring my 9 bags of clothing and bedding to my new place. She likes it and says she can't believe I've been living in this hell hole. Hey, me neither.

Step 3: The day before the move: vacuum like it's the plague. Vacuum everything and anything. All furniture, floorboards, the mattress, everything! Promptly through away vacuum bag. Use the Shark to steam EVERYTHING. Furniture, the mattress, everything. Promptly get rid of towel used to shark. Use bed bug spray and drench everything I own in it. So what if I smell like vinegar? Do this to each individual shelf, drawer, and bangle until I'm SURE they are not there.

Step 4: The morning of: Throw out sheets. Throw out box-spring. Repeat spraying process. And, finally, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!

This has become my personal action plan, and all that I can think about. I will beat them I will I will!


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