Come back sun!

I miss the California weather. I even miss the Arizona weather! But while New York has remained mostly rainy with dark cloudy skies, the weather has shown breaks of sun here and there and it really changes my mood. When I walk outside in the morning and the sun is shining I just feel so great and happy and ready for the day. But when it's cold or rainy I just feel so angry at the city.

These past few weeks I've been taking time to notice how the trees have been changing. A few weeks ago little white flowers started cropping up everywhere and I was so excited to see them! Today I was waiting to cross the street on the way to work and I looked down the street and could see green trees as far down as seven or eight blocks. I love the city when the weather is warm. I feel like I'm coming out of hibernation.

Work has been going really well. I've trained the new receptionist and so I've been off the desk which is fabulous! My new official title is 2nd assistant editor. I like that way better than receptionist. I've been working in the vault where I'm basically in charge of tracking down elements from old jobs (like tapes, dvds, and hard drives), boxing them up, and shipping them back to the agency. It's good because I'm learning more about how the company runs and how important it is to keep track of everything. In another two weeks I'll start doing assistant work like looking for old spots, archiving current jobs, and helping out other assistants with little tasks. I'm so excited that I'm finally going to be doing what I came to the city to do. In my spare time I've been trying to teach myself After Effects and Photoshop. I should really just bite the bullet and buy the entire Adobe program but it's just so freaking expensive I can't bring myself to do it.

Things are better between me and my room mate as well. I definitely feel as though I've done my part to loosen up and she seems to be making an effort to keep herself neater, so that's really helped tame my anger as well as better our relationship. I feel happy to see her again, and that's really important.

We threw a big party at work last night for a new editor we just hired. I worked alongside the new receptionist at bartending and clearing dishes all night. I was really tired at the end but I earned some extra money, and, not to mention a hangover. The owner of the company said he was really impressed with what we were able to put together and that he'd like to do more parties in the future, so I look forward to that.

Overall things are going really well. I'm feeling a bit homesick for my family as well as my home. I really want to take a trip back home soon so I think I might start looking into that, it all just depends on how busy work is in the summer, and if they will be open to letting me take a week off being so new. I think my sisters are going to try to come this summer which would be really fun.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair done and then I'm going to go to the farmer's market in Union Square. They have the best fresh food there. Produce and jams and cheeses and wine and art. It will be so nice to take a walk outside and look at all the yummy treats. Then on Sunday my friend KS and I are going to have a little picnic in Central Park. Can't wait for summer weather!!

K and I really do live in a great location. We're in walking distance to the Frying Pan and the Boast Basin, two of our favorite summer time spots. K's dad also bought her a summer share at a house in the Hamptons for the summer so I see a few beach trips in my near future, the first being on memorial day weekend.

So, what's next? Asking for a raise. Any advice?

My thought on babies

It's well known to most people who know me that I don't want children. I don't like children. I like having my freedom and being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I like that I can sleep in as long as I want on the weekends and that I don't have to get up to feed a screaming child. I like that my apartment stays (mostly) clean and how I left it. I like that I don't have the added expense for feeding, clothing, and raising a child. I like that I don't have to buy new clothes for myself due to increasing spit up stains or an expanding waistline. I don't want to gain weight due to pregnancy. I don't want my feet to swell up so big that I need to buy new shoes even post-pregnancy and I don't want to get poked with needles every few months. I especially don't want to go through the whole birthing process, natural or cesarean.

Beyond these things I don't even like children. When at a restaurant it's incredibly annoying to have something screaming next to your ears. Or on planes when they stick their head above the seat in front of you and just stare at you. I hate that. I suppose I can also say I don't like irresponsible parents or parents who believe their children can do no wrong, an increasing population of people in today's world. I know it's not the kid's fault, bla bla bla, but I don't like them. I find that they get in the way on crowded streets and make situations which might be otherwise perfectly pleasant completely awful- like brunch in Manhattan- a time for eggs and champagne, not tippy cups and diapers. Aside from this the world is overpopulated and the earth is clearly suffering the consequences of so many humans.

Now, setting aside my aforementioned rants, I don't talk to people who have children about why I don't like them. I don't lecture people about having too many, nor do I impose my "anti-child" views on any expecting parents or friends of mine who I believe to be too young to procreate. So why do people find it necessary to disagree with what I want? Is it so absolutely natural that everyone bring a screaming little "angel" into the world? Should I be shunned for my choice to not have children? I find that when people ask me how many kids I want and my reply is "none" they tend to look at me as though I was a freak of nature- especially older adults. I don't pass my judgment (openly) on those that have children, why should others blatantly reject my decision?

This brings me to another point. When at a social event where babies will be present, I try my best to avoid them. I always put on a "show" for those around me when I do come in close contact. I smile at them, tell the mother how "beautiful" the baby is, and uphold certain expected social norms. At events such as these, there always seems to be a reason for a mother to hand over her child to someone else to hold. Generally I would have to say that this doesn't happen to men as much as it does to women (don't even get me started on the sexism issues here), and, on occasion, I have been left as the primary "watcher" of such a toddler. Why do people feel they have the need to leave their child with someone else? Every time I've ever been asked to hold one I always politely decline, but then people just think I'm afraid I'm going to hurt the child. They would be right- I am afraid I'm going to hurt the child....just on purpose. I don't want to touch one lest I get their spit, throw up, urine, feces, or whatever else on me.

Sure, some of you will berate me for this, but I think I bring up some pretty valid points. And in the end I suppose all this rant has done is make me feel better, though I hope to have enlightened a few of you with an outlook which strays from the social norm, and perhaps next time someone tells you they don't want kids, you will think a little better of them.

StumbleUpon

So I spent a decent amount of my time on StumbleUpon (if you have a desk job, it is likely that you already know about this website. If you don't, I suggest you stay away lest it suck you in as well) and I "stumbled" upon this terrific video which I wish to share with you.

School Answering Machine

Check it out. I think some of you may know people who it is addressed to. If only we could be so blunt and get away with it.

General Happenings

Much has happened in the past few weeks.

1. I am told that today our refrigerator is FINALLY being fixed (for all of you that were holding your breath). Does this mean that I'll be able to have my friends over now? Hopefully. I've been wanting to have dinner parties or girl friends over for wine, but I have yet to do it. This is mostly due to the fact that my room mate has completely taken over the "living room" with all of her clothes and her bike. She's going out of town for a week and I see it as a perfect opportunity to have some friends over because then I'll know that the apartment will at least look presentable. Present moment I have no idea what I'll be coming home to.

2. Very good news: I have been told that I'm being moved up to assistant editor! I'm so excited. They said it would take some time but that that was the next step. I suppose staying late to learn is paying off! Does this mean I'll get a raise? My fingers are crossed.

3. My sister has decided she wants to go into post production too, which I think is a great fit for her. I honestly don't know why she hasn't thought to pursue it before. Because of this, she wants to take an internship in New York. I think that's great, and I'm willing to send emails to some people I know to try to get her one, I just hope she puts in hard work and doesn't disappoint! I know she's already looked into some of the places that I've interned and we'll see what happens with that. She's going to have to find a sublet because three people in my tiny apartment would be too much and probably unfair to my room mate. My fingers are crossed for her.

That's about all for now. I'm just trying to make it through this last little bit of bad weather before spring weather officially makes its way to the city. I've been focusing on trying to cut back excess in my life. I've been drinking much less, eating better, and trying oh so hard to stay away from the M&M jar at work. I've also been trying to better budget myself by taking less cabs and spending less money when brunching with my friends (i.e no drinking). So far I'm feeling much better and I've been making much more time for the gym as well. We'll see how long that one lasts!

The "Real World"

It seems like every time I turn around something needs to be fixed. Or paid. Or dealt with. What is this?! My cable breaks -gotta buy a new one. Rent's due -pay up. My refrigerator isn't cold enough -must call super. Will there ever be a day when I can relax and I don't have to call someone to fix something? And you can never just call them once and give them a heads up; it always takes three or four times. And then you feel like a complete bitch because by the fourth time that you call you're so angry that you start using harsher language and speak in a very unfriendly tone. I didn't want to go there. Just do what you said you were going to do! If you said you would fix the oven on Monday, why is it Friday and still not fixed?!

This weekend I had to walk all the way uptown to argue with a very rude pharmacist about why I can only transfer my prescription once a month. I can't transfer the remainder in its entirety; I have to remember to do it each month. Which is great because that means I get to call both pharmacies and haggle with them three more times before my prescription is up.

My Kindle had officially kicked the bucket so I had to call customer service to request that they send me a new one. If you ever have problems with your Kindle I guarantee it will take you at least fifteen minutes to actually find the help number. You'd think with all the "customer service" and "help" links on their website it would be easier to locate a contact number. Companies nowadays are similar to generation Y: they want to decrease actual human interaction and instead do everything online. I looked everywhere for that damn number! When I finally found it I had to go through four or five menus to actually be able to speak to a representative. It seems as though they will do everything they can to avoid speaking to you in person. The same thing goes for doctor's offices, drug stores, restaurants, and the post office. No matter how many times I say "representative" the computer person insists that I punch in a series of numbers to help them "better assist me." However, when I finally do reach a live person, they just transfer me back over to someone else who puts me on hold, or to another set of prompts. I'm fed up.

Is this what being an adult is about?

Ok, alright, I'll say it

I do feel bad, I do. I'm trying to be nice, and to get over my anal tendencies. I'm picking and choosing my battles. But I'm not exactly handling it very well. I've spent all day feeling angry at K. I really like my new apartment, and I know K doesn't mean any wrong, but I just feel as though I'm constantly being disrespected everyday. I've spoken to her and she really listens and I always feel better after, but it doesn't seem to change things.

One of the biggest problems is that I view my stuff as mine and her stuff as hers and she believes that whats hers is mine and whats mine is hers. I find it frustrating when I come home expecting food to be in the kitchen to make for dinner which has been eaten. Or dishes which have been in the sink for three days which make it more difficult for me to do my own dishes. The living room is still full of her stuff and we've been living there for two months. I know the only way anything is going to get done is if I do it, which means I've had to put her room together and that I'll have to clean the living room too. Right now it's simply functioning as her closet.

I had to get this off my chest, and I'm holding back a lot of anger and other minor insults which just build and build until I want to scream.

What sucks the most about this is that our friendship is slowly deteriorating and I know that none of it is on her side. I'm the one who is feeling angry and upset all the time. I really do feel as though I'm trying to give. I'm adjusting the way I live to accommodate her habits, but she isn't doing the same. I'm allowing myself to be walked all over because she's my friend. What she doesn't know is that my feelings of disrespect have caused me to avoid her. I don't want to be home if she's home because I'll just be angry. I am simply pulling away from her. Obviously, when the year is up I'll move out and hopefully that will help to mend things. I'm sure she doesn't even see things as broken.

Maybe the summer will help to mend things since we'll spend more time outside and away from home. Hopefully?

News on the job front

So things have been ticking at work but I've been hesitant to write about them due to either laziness or embarrassment but I've chosen to update you now.

About a month ago I had ordered lunch for an editor and his assistant. It's my job to keep track of what job each lunch gets billed to and generally I'll just ask the editor what they are working on so I know which job to write down. This editor (we'll call him "B") came to pick up his lunch from the front desk. I asked him what he was working on, and he said, "I don't know. I don't know job numbers." I said, "No, not the job number, just what job in general." As he was already half way down the hall he waved his hand at me and said, "I don't know, ask my assistant." Wow.

Now, if we have editors working here that are completely unaware of what they are working on, we have problems, but that obviously wasn't the case here. This guy was just being a "diva" as he has since been called. In the hours after the "incident" several people came up to me asking about it. I was told, "just don't talk to him," avoid him," and, "in the future, don't ask him anything." Apparently he had told almost the entire office that I had a bad attitude.

Now, I wasn't aware that it was inappropriate for me to ask his highness a question, but you can bet I never have since. The funny thing is, ever since the "incident" he had been extra nice to me, commenting on how much he liked my nail polish color choices and inquiring whether I spell my name with a J or a G.

A week or so after the "incident," my direct superior asked me to go have a drink with her after work. She asked me how I handled criticism. I was a bit shocked, but told her I would rather be given constructive criticism rather than continue to do my job poorly. She went on to tell me that the owner of the company had expressed concern because someone in the company had complained that I had a bad attitude. I was completely caught off-guard. I had thought for sure that she was going to tell me I had been doing the bills wrong or something. I went through a list of employees in my head and tried to figure out who could think that I was being mean or bitchy. I tend to wear a frown on my face sometimes so I thought maybe that was the culprit.

I told her I was completely surprised, that I thought I had a great relationship with most everyone there and that beyond that I really respected everyone there so if I was coming across that way, it was certainly unintentional. I asked her to tell me how I was behaving that was wrong and she couldn't tell me. She said she thought I was doing a great job and that she felt like she and I had a great relationship, to which I agreed. After continuing the conversation, it became clear that she really had no specific criticism to give me. She simply suggested that in the future if she saw me doing anything...unfriendly? she would let me know.

This was three weeks ago, and I have yet to be scolded.

Funny thing: this past Friday the same editor who was upset with me wrote a rather off-putting email to the owner and producers complaining about the way the company was run and saying that if it was not changed he would turn in his resignation on Monday (today). Well, apparently the owner simply said, "we don't need you anyway." He packed up his desk on Friday.

The entire company is happy that he is gone and there have been many "he got fired!" whispers; apparently I'm not the only person he has been unreasonable with.

So, lesson learned. Try to be friendly, and stay away from people your coworkers recommend staying away from.


Also: karma's a bitch.