Ok, alright, I'll say it

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I do feel bad, I do. I'm trying to be nice, and to get over my anal tendencies. I'm picking and choosing my battles. But I'm not exactly handling it very well. I've spent all day feeling angry at K. I really like my new apartment, and I know K doesn't mean any wrong, but I just feel as though I'm constantly being disrespected everyday. I've spoken to her and she really listens and I always feel better after, but it doesn't seem to change things.

One of the biggest problems is that I view my stuff as mine and her stuff as hers and she believes that whats hers is mine and whats mine is hers. I find it frustrating when I come home expecting food to be in the kitchen to make for dinner which has been eaten. Or dishes which have been in the sink for three days which make it more difficult for me to do my own dishes. The living room is still full of her stuff and we've been living there for two months. I know the only way anything is going to get done is if I do it, which means I've had to put her room together and that I'll have to clean the living room too. Right now it's simply functioning as her closet.

I had to get this off my chest, and I'm holding back a lot of anger and other minor insults which just build and build until I want to scream.

What sucks the most about this is that our friendship is slowly deteriorating and I know that none of it is on her side. I'm the one who is feeling angry and upset all the time. I really do feel as though I'm trying to give. I'm adjusting the way I live to accommodate her habits, but she isn't doing the same. I'm allowing myself to be walked all over because she's my friend. What she doesn't know is that my feelings of disrespect have caused me to avoid her. I don't want to be home if she's home because I'll just be angry. I am simply pulling away from her. Obviously, when the year is up I'll move out and hopefully that will help to mend things. I'm sure she doesn't even see things as broken.

Maybe the summer will help to mend things since we'll spend more time outside and away from home. Hopefully?


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