Online Dating in New York

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ok, it has taken me a while to admit this but, alas, here it is. I've been online dating for a couple of months now and it's only just recently that I feel I can openly admit this to the world without hiding in a corner, wearing a mask, or at least holding an over-sized pillow over my face. Before I plunge into the odd specifics of online dating, first let me justify to you why I think this is ok.

Looking outside of the obvious "you don't meet anyone at a bar" and "I only know the people I work with" reasons that we can't seem to find any suitable dates, there are many reasons to online date. Look people, we're not in college anymore. We aren't going to meet that cute guy in our English class or just wait till next semester to find someone new. There are no study groups or Laguna Beach parties (yes these did exist and I was a member, please hold back your judgment) on Monday nights. And work hours are NOTHING like college hours. My last two semesters of college I only had class two days a week and that was only for four hours. That adds up to 8 hours a week total of actual class. I easily work at least 50 hours a week and sometimes more. After working out, catching up with my friends outside of work, and watching that latest episode of "The Bachelor," that doesn't exactly leave a lot of time hunting? Gag.

In addition to the aforementioned legitimate and brilliant examples of why online dating is ok, let me introduce just one more. We live in an online world. I don't just mean online as in the internet. When I ride the subway I'd say that at least 90% of passengers are using technology of some sort. Kindles, ipods, ipads, iphones....I could go on. Even if that cute guy or girl was sitting right across from you, would you even notice? I don't think I would. The same goes for all public streets, parks, and benches. As a race, we are no longer comfortable just sitting by ourselves without looking distracted by something. What is happening to us!! I realize I'm drifting. My point: if technological networking is increasingly becoming the way we communicate with ourselves and our world, then doesn't the natural next step consist of meeting singles online?

Did you say yes? I thought so!

So what began as a fun night with a friend morphed into a site I consistently check. It's called OkCupid. It's a free website where you can see other singles in your area. It has questions you answer and then it matches you to people based on those questions. You fill out a little profile and add pictures and everything.

Filling out your profile is an interesting feat. How do I do this? What do I write? "I like long walks on the beach?" How do I show that I'm a little nerdy, but not geeky, a little weird, but not creepy, and, of course, show that I'm not terrible looking without coming across like I'm trying too hard? In the end, I just tried to stay honest and upbeat. I didn't write or post anything I would be embarrassed to read five years from now. I think.

Turns out, everyone has profiles. At work two of my girlfriends and one of my guy friends has them. Of course, the three of us girls check out each others' potential dates and giggle at the guys who message us who clearly have no chances. Why would we be so mean, you might ask? Well, let me just explain:

Mistakes Guys Make On Online Profiles

1. Taking a picture of yourself in the mirror with your cellphone and a super-cool face on (ie. duckface). This is perhaps the worst offense of all. These are the types of guys that look like they fell right out of "Jersey Shore." Their shirts are off, their hair is gelled, their collars are popped, their skin is tanned. Nothing makes me want to puke more than a cocky asshole. NEXT!

2. Putting up pictures of lots of girls. So....this proves that you have at some point had contact with the opposite sex? Me too! But I'm not trying to show potential dates that I hang out with lots of hotties. That just proves that they are insecure.

3. Putting up pictures with yourself and playboy bunnies. See item #2.

4. Putting up pictures of yourself in front of expensive things like cars. Or just putting up pictures of expensive cars. Or famous people. What does this tell me about yourself? That you're vain. PASS.

5. Saying things like "I don't know how to fill out this profile." Neither do I, buddy, but I tried and put effort in. You want to talk to me? You need to put in effort too.

6. Putting up pictures of you and your "bros" holding red cups. Do I even need to elaborate here?

7. In your "you should message me if" section you write things like: you're not crazy, you know how to dress, you don't have baggage (everyone does if you're older than 16), or, my personal favorite, no fatties. Nice. Classy.

8. Where it says "What are you looking for?" you say "Casual Sex"

Don't even get me started on mistakes guys make while messaging me. How about you at least pretend like you read my profile? And please, if I didn't respond to you the first time, what makes you think I'm going to the second or third?

What should you post? Pictures of you doing your favorite activity. Pictures of your family, or you and a pet. Pictures of you and your favorite places. Stop trying to play it so cool and be yourself. You're obviously on the website for a reason. The cooler you try to seem, the lamer you come across. And the same goes for girls.

So, in conclusion of the madness that is this post I leave you with this: I have a date this Friday with a guy I'll call "Engineer Guy." So far, I like him. He doesn't seem to be playing any games. But I can't truly know until Friday rolls around. Perhaps I'll ask him what his opinion of online dating is. OkCupid is, after all, a free social networking website. No way am I desperate enough to pay for something like or eHarmony.....yet.


Chevon J. - La Bella Vita said...

Oh my gosh. Lol. This post is hilarious. Well, your list of what not to do when online dating is hilarious. Good luck! There's someone out there who's worth your time!

Dorothy Explor'r said...

...good luck :) and this post is all too true! made me a follower!

katie forness said...

I signed up about a month ago...and yes, I'm just now catching up on your blog on my lunch break :)

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